Ranking Every Tree on Campus

Cory Wack, Reporter
April 12, 2022

Most of Modern America has a simple formula: infrastructure with nature sprinkled in. The Arroyo Grande High School campus is no exception, and with the numerous shrubbery awkwardly spaced around AGHS, I thought it appropriate to rank every single tree on campus.

The trees will be ranked upon multiple criteria including aesthetic, shade, function, huggability, and most importantly, how it makes me feel. Here is every tree on the AGHS campus ranked from worst to best.

Coming in dead last is this sad excuse for a tree. (Cory Wack)
This one is really big and ugly and to be honest, it kind of scares me. I feel like it is full of spiders. (Cory Wack)
This tree is supposed to be a 9/11 memorial, which makes its appearance slightly distasteful. There is a reason nobody sits on that bench. (Cory Wack)
The way that the branches sprout up and out from the trunk does not look right. 1/8 (Cory Wack)
The quad has some very nice trees, this is not one of them. (Cory Wack)
It is very clear that these trees were put here to fill up space, and they don’t fill it well. Their awkward spacing is offputting. (Cory Wack)
If spacing out trees perfectly, they must be well kept. (Cory Wack)
Wimpy little tree. Don’t like it. (Cory Wack)
This one has a neat shape but it is shoved in a bad spot. (Cory Wack)
Yes, this tree lacks leaves, and it does feel empty, but it has a nice presence. I feel like it is trying its best. It should be noted that the benches below are very underrated; when I rank every bench these will easily be top 10. We have now reached trees that I don’t completely hate. (Cory Wack)

 

You may see a sad little mopy trunk, but what I see is potential. I think in 40 to 50 years this tree could find itself in the top 10. (Cory Wack)
These trees are decent, maybe a little bit skinny, but they don’t really have a purpose. The back of the library looks really cool and these distract from it. (Cory Wack)
I do like the placement of this tree, and its size, but the trunk is way too tall, it looks odd. (Cory Wack)
This tree is very overlooked, and I think that is for good reason. (Cory Wack)
I can’t tell if I like or dislike the symmetry. Until I figure it out they go here. Also, symmetree (pun). (Cory Wack)
Mid. (Cory Wack)
I like how these ones cover up the fence, they are a little bit out of the way though. If they had filled up the whole planter with these trees they would be top 5. (Cory Wack)
The palm trees are a nice touch, but there may be too many of them. We get it, it’s California. (Cory Wack)
It is a little bit tall, don’t you think? (Cory Wack)
This fills up some dead space nicely, but if I was lost I am not sure if I would hug it. (Cory Wack)
Overall this is a nice tree, it is just a little empty. (Cory Wack)
This tree (or the nearly identical one a row down) wouldn’t catch an eye anywhere else, but here it is very unique, so it gets some extra points. (Cory Wack)
If the benches surrounded the trunk this would be an easy top 5 contender. (Cory Wack)
This is a great tree, however, because of the absolutely outstanding plant in the same row, this one feels pathetic. (Cory Wack)
This is the tree we all used to draw as children. (Cory Wack)
This tree is underrated, I don’t hear this tree’s name in the conversation a lot and I don’t think it deserves that. It has a unique shape you won’t find in a lot of places, and most importantly, covers a super ugly building. Whoever placed this tree did a fantastic job. (Cory Wack)
I was wrong, this is the tree we all drew as children. Great location, great size, great leafage. This is everything you want in a tree, and nothing more. It isn’t outstanding, and it isn’t winning any awards, but it gets the job done.  (Cory Wack)
We are now in the top 10. This spot outside the library has a nice enclosed feeling due to these covering up the sky. A really underrated spot on campus. (Cory Wack)
These do all the same things as the last ones, they just have the benefit of a more closed-in area that gives them the edge. I think it is a universal AGHS experience to walk through this area once per semester and think “wow this place is really nice” and then forget about it. (Cory Wack)
These do a great job of filling in the quad, they are spaced out perfectly. (Cory Wack)
I like how low to the ground the canopy starts, It creates a barrier between the blacktop and that grass patch. (Cory Wack)
These create a nice little atmosphere along the path in between the classes, this little area doesn’t feel like anywhere else on campus and I credit that to these guys. (Cory Wack)
Just look at this thing lean. So cool. (Cory Wack)
It’s so welcoming. If it could talk, I’d imagine it would be really shy and stutter over its words in a high-pitched voice. This tree is kind. (Cory Wack)
Doesn’t just looking at this picture make you want to go sit on those benches? (Cory Wack)
Putting this goliath in second place hurts me too. I don’t think this tree is overrated at all, and if you tell me it is your favorite I would really really respect you. This tree is magnificent, a true work of art. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any cooler, Mr. Traylor told me that Mr. Goossen threw a football all the way over the top one time, but I can’t give it first. Yes, it is impressive, but do you really want to hang out under this thing? It doesn’t provide that atmosphere that I look for in a winner, and for that reason alone it falls short of champion. (Cory Wack)
These are your winners. I want to get married between them.(Cory Wack)

 

If you don’t agree, you can leaf.