Milk Story


Ethan mere moments before projectile vomiting half a gallon of milk. What a stud.

Basically how this started out is that my good friend Ethan Maniscalco showed me a video of a man throwing up a gallon of spoiled milk that had been sitting in the sun for two weeks.

Then, logically, I retorted that of course that was going to make him throw up because I was pretty sure that even if you drink a gallon of regular milk, it would make you throw up. 

“That didn’t seem too challenging to me,” Maniscalco said. 

So we decided that we would put it to the test. Maniscalco was to test the question: could a 130 pound, 5 ‘9, 17 year old drink a gallon of milk without throwing up? 

“I feel like I could do that no problem,” Maniscalco said. 

He was confident. He was sure that not only he, but anyone, could undertake this particular challenge and he was ready to prove it. 

“I think people need to push past their limits, be comfortable with the uncomfortable,” Mansicalco said. 

Maniscalco considers himself to be slightly lactose intolerant, as he gets a mild stomach ache each time he drinks a glass of milk.
“I guess, you know, this may not be the best idea actually, now that I’m talking about it, but… we ball,” Mansicalco said. 

Maniscalco’s confidence was not entirely unwavering. Before he undertook this great challenge the thought of throwing up made him feel timid. 

“But you know, we’re here to test out things that normal people don’t do, really,” Maniscalco. 

Maniscalco focused instead on his excitement of doing something challenging instead of his palpable fear. 

“I feel like I’m completely ready, ” Maniscalco said. “I have slight heartburn right now, because I ate spicy chicken tenders from school today, but honestly, if anything, that’s gonna help me.” 

Right before Maniscalco embarked upon his journey to test his limits, he was to set an estimated time of his completion of the whole gallon of whole milk. The maximum time he said it would take him: 30 minutes, the minimum: 15. With that, it was time to see our hero sacrifice his body for the greater good of mankind.


–Post Consumption–

After a long 18 minutes of battle, Maniscalco called it quits and succumbed to the might of this challenge. 

“You know? It was fun… for about two glasses, for about 4 minutes. Everything else was torture,” Maniscalco said. 

Maniscalco described the “after 2 glasses experience” as equivalent to a 20 pound dumbbell in his stomach. 

“But the vomit experience? There’s actually a word for like, ascending pure happiness,” Maniscalco said. 

Maniscalco had commented that the word for ascending pure happiness was featured in the ending speech in the film American Psycho which is hilariously ironic considering that the actual ending speech of American Psycho consists of the phrase: “My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone.”

“I feel happy. Maybe I shouldn’t feel happy, I failed after all, but you know? I’m still happy,” Mansicalco said. “I’m a little disappointed really, but I’m proud of myself for doing my own thing.” 

Maniscalco agreed that he grew from the experience. Furthermore, he firmly believes he went all out, trying his hardest with his greatest effort. 

Maniscalco encourages readers to not pick one person from the classroom and be like them, but instead be their own person. 

“Try your hardest, try something new, give it your all. That’s how you become an interesting person, that’s how celebrities are made,” he said.

Maniscalco begrudgingly agreed that he would try this challenge again. 

Now, it was my turn. With around half a gallon of milk begging for consumption, I had to provide further evidence for my claim. 

Prior to my go at the milk gauntlet, I had a bit of a stomach ache. It was nothing bad or horrid, I did not feel sick, but I was not prepared at all for the challenge laid in front of me. 

I was not expecting to undertake such a challenge that day, Maniscalco had simply decided at random that that day would be the fateful day we challenged our limits. 

I was, to say the least, skeptical after watching Maniscalco try, fail, and vomit. Whereas Maniscalco gave a time range for his completion, I doubted I would even be able to finish what was left of the gallon. 

I had also eaten the school spicy chicken nuggets, just as Maniscalco had.


~~Post Consumption~~

When it came to “attaining something higher than happiness,” I was not in the same boat. 

Perhaps it was because I did not throw up as Maniscalco had. I have deep hatred for vomiting and I refuse to hurl unless entirely necessary. 

Aside from my misery, it was worth it. Overall, nothing too bad occurred in the aftermath. 

I’m glad I attempted it. I was glad to do this, and it was fun and funny and I did it all for the content, and for myself. 

This activity is surely not something to subject yourself to on the regular. Do not do this. Ever. There is no need to do this. We are the ones who plunged ourselves into the depths of this milk sea so no one else has to. We did this for you, we did this to educate and create newspaper articles for your enjoyment. We had fun, but no, do not do it.